Holding Healing and Reality: Trusting God in the Tension

Jason’s still healing well from surgery.
Pain meds are waning.
His 30-staple scar is mending.
He’s eating a little more each day.

We’ve enjoyed daily walks in this beautiful neighborhood.

Sometimes I forget that the results of prayer aren’t up to me. I’ve seen that misbelief evidenced in my own and others’ lives in a lotta ways, but one? One is a dogged determination to only speak faith and healing over the sick — for superstitious fear that, to say anything less, thwarts healing.

I believe God heals. And I’m reminded that it’s not up to me to cajole, manipulate, or hold God’s arms up. He is my supporter and defender. Not the other way around.

We are facing a dire diagnosis. And I trust God with Jason’s restoration. And we are planning with an oncologist. And I hope in Christ for miracle eradication of cancer. And we manage today’s symptoms.

I’ve seen too many families deny sickness and reality to the point of their loved one’s death — never having grieved or experienced closure or talked about their wishes and wants. Pure denial and delusion. And I’ve seen hearts crushed by diagnosis, weak for despair of believing the lie that God-with-us could ever abandon them.

I will not deny reality. I will not deny God. We will hold life and death in tension. I will pray and I will plan. I will trust God with outcomes and I will believe in His goodness. And I will relax, because it’s not all up to me.